IE team crashing the CSS standards meeting

IE: Sorry we’re late guys, we didn’t know about the meeting until this morning
Everyone else: Uhmm, we have had this meeting in the same place every week for the past four years
IE: Oh really?
Everyone else: Yes. You know, we’re trying to set some standards so that web developers can write clean code that is interpreted the same way by every browser.
IE: Of course we think it’s a good idea for all browsers to interpret websites the same way IE does.
Everyone else: No, no no no! That would be a very bad idea.
IE: How come?
Everyone else: It’s stupid for one company to set the standard, especially if the standard is not really a standard but a collection of random fuzzy rules that aren’t consistent, are hard to interpret, and consist of hundreds of exceptions.
IE: We don’t buy it. You’re just jealous of our 95% market share.
Everyone else: We are a standards group, we don’t care about your market share. We’ve invited you to these meetings from day one. In fact, didn’t Microsoft push for technology standards in the first place?
IE: Of course, provided that they come from Microsoft.
Everyone else: That’s retarded.
IE: Look, we’re innovating here and you’re just slowing things down. Like when we introduced image effects.
Everyone else: Oh, you mean the Wave effect?

IE: Yeah, isn’t it awesome?
Everyone else: Looks like something from a 1990s website.
IE: Our design group sees nothing wrong with that filter.
Everyone else: Oh, you have a design group now? But, we digress. You’ve got to start complying to some of these standards, complying to both IE and other browsers is a headache for most developers.
IE: What are those standards?
Everyone else: We’ve published them and even sent you a paper copy. What the hell are these proprietary filters doing in your dynamic HTML? filter:progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.Alpha(opacity=20). The notation is awful and does not conform to any of the other style properties.
IE: You’re just pissed because it has Microsoft in its name.
Everyone else: And what about your lenient interpretation of identifiers? Why does Microsoft continue, over and over again, to put so much emphasis on case insensitivity? Every programming language other than… let’s see… BASIC! is case sensitive.
IE: You’ve got to allow mediocre developers to make some money too.
Everyone else: And the conditional comments in HTML? <!–[if lte IE 6]> This is only encouraging people to add IE-specific stuff.
IE: Okay, it seems we won’t be able to convince you guys to embrace innovation. Maybe at least you’ll approve our OOXML standard?
Everyone else: Are you serious? The spec that ignore industry standards like SVG, MathML, XForms and even XML?
IE: There’s no reason a reinvented wheel must be worse.
Everyone else: Oh yeah, how about how within the spec, the same element has multiple conflicting definitions (‘e‘ has eighteen of them!) and some elements are just aliases of one another? It’s almost as the people in your team didn’t even talk to each other when they wrote the spec!
IE: Screw you. We’ll win anyway. We offer the world’s most popular operating system and browser family. Can’t beat us.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 20th, 2010 at 13:00 and is filed under The Daily Badness, fiction, funny, technology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.